Automatico

Taking a dump. It's automatic: get that heavy feeling in your bowels, bum dilates a little, sit on toilet and deposit. However, taking a dump has now become automatic in every other way possible.

My most recent visit to Frankie and Benny's involved a chicken, sweetcorn and mozarella pasta bake...with weird green vegetables. No idea what they're called but for argument's sake, let's just call them Nature's Strongest Laxatives. Inevitably the F&B's toilet was in for a chicken, sweetcorn and mozarella pasta bake too that night.

Upon opening the door the lights blinked on and I was greeted with Salute by the toilet itself. It then said Hello. Come stai? it said. How are you?. It was only when it counted from one to five in Italian and again in English, that i realised how educational this turd was becoming.

I finished and by now, me and the urinals were having full fledged conversations in Italian. I turned to flush the chain. There was no handle. Instead there was this sort of button, before I even touched it the toilet had flushed. Why this is the cleverest lavatory I've came across I thought. There were no taps just magical, miniature showers for my hands to be cleansed under. So impressive. Of course there were automatic hand dryers too.

So despite my chicken and Laxido pasta, the visit to Frankie & Benny's was a refreshing insight to the modern world we live in today. Well, it would have been if the toilet door was automatic too but it wasn't. I mean, I don't really have any use for an automatic door on the way into Specsavers or the Apple store, yet after I've just washed my hands (in a very convenient, germ free way) why should I touch the same germ ridden door handle that all the other converted Italians, who haven't bothered with the mini hand showers, have touched as well?

Cio che un carico di poo e wee misti!