Holy Smokes

It was upon fiddling with a HDMI cable at the back of my (wall mounted) tele last night which made me realise, my whole life has been about finding holes and filling them.

I was already out of synch because somebody was in my usual parking space outside the house. My parking space is one of those ‘holes’ that unsettles me if it contains anything but my car: A stray flyaway football, a lost branch, an intrusive neighbour’s vehicle etc.

The heat from the screen was strong on my cheek, but kind of nice, like someone’s breath (someone nice, of course). The actual T.V. was super awkward to get underneath. After half a minute of holding a weightless cable, it became the heaviest thing in the world. I caved and dismounted the unit. I plugged the cable into the appropriate slot and it was this moment the ‘hole philosophy’ came to me, because all of a sudden I felt satisfied – like I deserved a biscuit or something.

My theory is – holes, when filled, are forgotten and it’s the space between them which makes me anxious. For example, I’m looking for an internship in editing/copywriting and similar fields. If I go for an interview for any of these, this means I will be able to see the hole, I’d be standing on the edge of the - ‘internship hole’. It would be undoubtedly scary jumping into that hole, as with many holes. It’s like a metaphorical vertigo, peering over the edge of opportunity.

By the way, I think I’ve done incredibly well to avoid filling the sexual innuendo hole in this blog and I’d like to continue to avoid it in the finish (I'm sure everybody is capable of filling that hole themselves) . The interesting thing to me about holes, is that if they’re not filled by myself, they could easily be filled by someone else, resulting in a bad thing, e.g. the intrusive neighbour vehicle. Nonetheless, it could easily be a good thing:

At 4:30am today, my next-door neighbour’s car was set alight by two men (I’m aware this isn’t a good example of ‘good’ – but hear me out). Nobody was hurt and my car was safely two parking spaces/holes away. The lesson learnt was not to worry about unfulfilled holes and just be happy with the ones that are taken care of.

You might think the idea is a little too Alice in Wonderland and I don’t want to push it as far as to say ‘we all fill a hole/grave in death too.’ However, this thought helped me to stop looking for imperfections in my life and more importantly (at the moment with the intern hunt) - my C.V.